Dying to myself

The past five days have been rough and I have found myself getting grumpier and grumpier with each passing sleepless night. Last night as I laid in bed with my sick husband the Holy Spirit was convicting me of not dying to myself. He laid on heart that this was His chance to shine. As I started thinking, when we are tired and seemingly overwhelmed, is when our true colors show. Unfortunately, mine were showing extreme selfishness. I wasn't getting enough sleep, I wasn't getting any time to myself, I was doing alot of the work, I....I....I. Laying there I was so ashamed. I am so thankful that Christ was not that way. So I determined in my heart to think about dying to myself. To make sure I was, not just letting it happen if it happened. (which was not very often, because frankly it isn't my natural tendency) The Lord knew I would be dealing with this and helped me before I even knew He had. On Sunday, I was only at church for a short time to help Grandma with her slides, the words of the songs she was playing. I was in a hurry to get home to my sick family. For a while I didn't really read what was up there, but for some reason I looked up and started reading.

Spirit of the Living God
Fall fresh on me
Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.
Spirit of the Living God
Fall fresh on me

Under that was a poem of dying to self. As I read it I thought, that is a really great poem. God tucked it in my heart to be pulled out for later use. :) As I laid in bed, the poem popped into my head and I realized exactly what I was doing or NOT DOING! This poem below is not the exact same poem she used. I am going to find out what it is, but this one is still very good. I don't want to live one more day of life living for myself in any way shape or form. I want to die to myself, so that I may live for Christ. It's author is unknown.


When you are forgotten, neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting or hurt with the oversight, but your heart is happy being counted worthy to suffer for Christ;
That is dying to self.
When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinion ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient, loving silence;
That is dying to self.
When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility, and endure it as Jesus did;
That is dying to self.
When you are content with any food, and offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God;
That is dying to self.
When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation or record your own good works or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown;
That is dying to self.
When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy, nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and you are in desperate circumstances;
That is dying to self.
When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit, inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart;
That is dying to self."

John 12:24,25
Verily, verily I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.
He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.